This morning coffee pleasures itself

You have read the title, and likely already guessed it. This is hump day, and today we are all about the sex. More particularly, masturbation. Most particularly, those objects that individuals often use to self-pleasure.

That’s right. Sex toys. Quite probably not suitable for work.

Before we get to the toys themselves, we’ll talk about nipple clamps and electrocution. Hot, I know.

People should probably avoid attaching clips to their nipples and plugging the other end into an electrical socket. Yes, I am amazed that this needs to be said. But not quite as amazed as that an adult (the guy’s eighteen) who did this to himself is suing his teacher for not informing him it was a bad idea.

Here at the Big Bad Blog, we thought this was something that parents should have taught him as a child, before he ever set foot in a school. And we wonder — do his parents still keep the house childproofed so he cannot electrocute himself at home?

(Zombie Dildos, found via Warren Ellis, amongst others.)

The same people who made the zombie dildos also do other types of dildos. We are most amused by their Cthulu Dildos. Masturbation that will lead to madness.

But what to do with all these dildos? For one woman, the answer is to watch porn. And drive. While using her vibrator. All at the same time. Apparently this is not legal. Hands on the wheel, ladies.

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