Ladies, are you tired of unwanted attention from the gentlemen out there? Science has an answer: Make them smell your tears.

(The Splinter by Eric Stafford.)

Alright, ladies. So the gentleman in question has smelled your tears and is no longer interested. He makes a peace offering: a vibrator. Don’t take it! It could be a vibrator bomb!

Attention: One-armed flame-retardant Texan drummers! Somebody is looking for you.