Earlier this week, the Mirror asked if I was having a midlife crisis. Now that the weekend is here, it seems like a good time to sit back, relax, and come to terms with my inevitable demise.
The Mirror used the most scientific route possible to assemble a list of 40 “symptoms” of a midlife crisis — they used values from a poll conducted by a hair-loss clinic. You scoff, but is there really a business more concerned about identifying people experiencing a midlife crisis than a hair transplant clinic?
I thought not.
Still, some of the symptoms are simply hilarious. Here’s a small sample of the Big Bad Blog’s favourites:
Still going to festivals like Glastonbury
I like this one, because it implies that you’re in your midlife crisis if you just keep doing something long enough. Like, I started drinking beer as a teenager. I still drink beer. That must be a sign.
The midlife crisis, of course, is supposed to be a reaction to a realisation that your day-to-day life is filled with meaningless activities, and to try to do things that bring “meaning” to your life before your sad but inevitable demise.
Starting to attend festivals might be a sign. Continuing to do what you already have unchanged? I have my doubts.
Looking up old boyfriends or girlfriends on Facebook
Oh, jeez. Let’s see, in my Facebook friends list, I see … Sara, Angie, Ola, Sarah. The ex-wife used to be on there, as well. I had not noticed that she had removed herself until just now.
In any case, what I’m saying is that “old girlfriends” (I suspect they dislike the term, actually, by the time we’re all at midlife-crisis-age) seem to have always been a permanent fixture of Facebook. Which means that I’ve been in my midlife crisis since my 20s.
(Actually, that seems believable.)
Worrying over your thinning hair
I don’t fit into this category, but isn’t it also just known as … having thinning hair?
And, well done hair-loss clinic. I’m sure nothing happened to bump this one up the list.
Taking up a new hobby
*Looks at camera equipment*
Yeah, my midlife crisis didn’t begin in my 20s at all.
Flirting with people 20 years younger
The thrust of the article is that midlife crises come in the early 40s. The Big Bad Blog notes that flirting with people 20 years younger only becomes socially acceptable at this age. People in their early 30s, for example, really shouldn’t be doing this.
Or, alternatively, in your early 30s, it’s called “flirting with people 10 years younger”. In your twenties, “flirting with people your own age”.
You only read books on holiday
What kind of sorry life is this?
Not reading books most of the time?
And then missing your holiday because you’re just reading books?
There is no rhyme or reason …