Warning: Today’s morning coffee might not be appropriate for all workplaces. If it’s not appropriate for yours, find a new job.

Of course, if you are a regular watcher of porn you probably already knew we would be writing about porn today, thanks to your pornography-powered ESP.

(From someecards. Found here.)

While on the subject of fellatio, we have discussed bat blowjobs previously on the Morning Coffee. Now the aftermath: Discussing bat fellatio is considered sexual harassment, but is not serious enough to warrant counselling.

For those of you who are now saddened that blowjobs are off the menu (due to cannibalism) and off the workplace-discussion-topic-list (at least where bats are concerned) … at least you can still control video games with your penis.

Tired of rock-paper-scissors? Is it too simplistic? Is it time to upgrade?

If so, the Morning Coffee presents to you Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie. Enjoy!

(Because we apparently cannot get enough of pigs in Wellies. This pig is named Cinders and is owned by the Keebles. There is a second photo in the Daily Mail.)

Will the Democrats become the dominant political force in Texas? Maybe not in the current election cycle, but it’s hard to see how a political party that has decided it will ban pornography, oral sex, gay marriage, sodomy and strip clubs if elected can win elections. Who, after all, dislikes blowjobs?

I’m always surprised when I see articles (like this one which express the opinion that women’s (or girl’s) sports are soft or docile. Such opinions can only be formed by people who have never watched women’s (or girl’s) sports.

Slate takes a look at how Ray Bradbury’s writings have become a foundation for our mythology.

Apparently showing your colleague information about fellatio amongst fruit bats can result in a complaint to HR. Even if the information is acutally a peer reviewed paper, and you have been having a professional disagreement for which the paper in question provides an answer. It makes us wonder: will there never be a good time to bring up bat blowjobs to your colleagues?

Cars today often come with safety systems in which your car is remotely monitored — the remote monitors can call an ambulance if you’re in an accident, for example. Or shut down your car and send the location to the police should your car be stolen. Unfortunately — and, perhaps unsurprisingly — this second functionality can be hacked, leaving hackers in control of the car you’re driving.