January 25, 2011

Laying in bed last night, a thought suddenly occurred to me: could my daughter — my sweet, beautiful daughter — actually be a zombie? This might sound strange to you at first, particularly if you have met her, but hear me out.

Maggie exhibits several potential signs of zombie-hood. This begins with her desire to eat people.

Yes, you read that correctly. Maggie likes to eat people.

If a person is nearby, Maggie attempts to leap at them, headfirst. When successful, she then undertakes chewing on the nearest body part, be it her victim’s finger, chest, or nose.

Additionally, Maggie does not cry as many babies are wont to do. No screaming, no whining. Instead she makes vowel noises at a variety of volumes:

“Aaah.”
“Aaaaaah!”
“AAAAAAAAH!”

As a loving parent, I am inclined to believe that these are early attempts at communication. But what if these are just zombie moans coming from a Very Tiny Zombie? What if she really means “Braaaaaains!”?

This ought to be a serious concern.

Of course, there is no need to take any action against this potential zombie menace. Luckily for us — and the world — Maggie makes for a pretty poor zombie at present. She cannot yet crawl (nevermind walk or lurch), and even when she does manage to reach her target, she lacks teeth with which to devour them.

We will, of course, endeavour to determine the extent of her potential zombiism before she develops the ability to spread her curse to others.

That said, if the zombie apocalypse arrives and it has originated in east London, the following advice may save your life:

• Zombies are distracted by rabbits (and giraffes)
• Zombies find warm breast milk to be an acceptable substitute for brains

As I am likely to be the first casualty of such an apocalypse, you can thank me now.

Photo of Maggie at the top of the article is by Mr. Topp, and can be seen larger here.
Illustration at the end of the article is by Christopher Uminga, and was found at Pulp Factor.

November 6, 2010

	GPS units with errors and directions obtained from Google maps have been blamed for many things — trucks going down roads that are too narrow, people driving into lakes, and pedestrians being hit by cars due to walking along routes lacking sidewalks, to mention three. This time, Google Maps nearly started a war.
Always wanted to have sex with Obama? Now you can! In a manner of speaking. Introducing the Obama sex doll.
	We hear quite a bit these days, about how the Internet is destroying traditional publishing industries — most particularly newspapers and magazines. So it is always funny to see examples of just how little traditional publishers understand the Internet and copyright law — here’s a recent example — two little pieces from a letter sent from an editor (who had plagiarized a blogger’s material in their print magazine) to the blogger (who wrote asking for credit and compensation): I do know about copyright laws … the web is considered “public domain”
I’ve never been a fan of the phrase “fight fire with fire”. It simply seems like bad advice. Fight monkeys with monkeys, on the other hand? That’s a phrase I can get behind.
	Everything is better with butter … … even your brain?
There’s an owl crisis in India. Which is to say, that owls are in danger of becoming an endangered species. Why? India blames a children’s book. Rather than, you know, the idiot parents who think that giving their (presumably non-wizard) children owls as pets is a good idea.
	Let us revisit the Tea Party. Or, perhaps, the T Party. The way it was meant to be.
While on the subject of the Tea Party, the Big Bad Blog would like to note that Tea Party supporters often hold signs that say things such as “God Hates Fags”. It has been pointed out that God Hates Figs. We assume that the Tea Party’s previous signs have actually just contained a typo, and are looking forward to seeing a correction.

May 6, 2010

A German man has married his cat. Or at least hired an actress to preside over a fake wedding with his cat. At least it’s not dogs marrying cats, right?

(Another fantastic photo FFFfound here, but with no credit.)

Does your bank (or some other service provider) require you to provide them with secret questions and answers? If so, we suggest you have some fun with it.

An interesting (if long) article: How our brains make memories.

April 26, 2010

With a baby on the way, at some point this year I will have to babyproof the house. Luckily a friend of mine has written a handy guide.

(Lego Monkeys at the Philadelphia Zoo by Sean Kenney)

DRM is bad, and spending time and money fighting copyright infringement is futile. Adam P. Knave explains.

Those video games they sell to strengthen your brain? Big surprise — they don’t actually strengthen your brain.