Dear Ladies,

In yesterday’s morning coffee, we were giving lots of lady advice. It turns out that we missed out on one of our lady-oriented links, we are so very, very sorry. However, you will be pleased to know that you can order custom-made, gold-plated dildos. Again, apologies for making you wait an entire 24 hours before sharing this very important information with you.

The Management.

(by Bill Carman.)

Speaking of things of purchase over the Internet, how awesome are these edible crayons? Very awesome, that’s how. I wish Maggie was a little bit older so that she was ready to both eat things and draw with crayons. Or that I was quite a bit younger, so that I could both eat and draw with crayons without getting in trouble.

Finally, we would encourage you to finish your coffee (or tea, if you are weird) with a visit to the virtual museum of unnatural history, which contains wonders such as unicorn tears and confused wood. If you happen to be in Washington, DC, it appears to be an actual place which you should visit.

You have read the title, and likely already guessed it. This is hump day, and today we are all about the sex. More particularly, masturbation. Most particularly, those objects that individuals often use to self-pleasure.

That’s right. Sex toys. Quite probably not suitable for work.

Before we get to the toys themselves, we’ll talk about nipple clamps and electrocution. Hot, I know.

People should probably avoid attaching clips to their nipples and plugging the other end into an electrical socket. Yes, I am amazed that this needs to be said. But not quite as amazed as that an adult (the guy’s eighteen) who did this to himself is suing his teacher for not informing him it was a bad idea.

Here at the Big Bad Blog, we thought this was something that parents should have taught him as a child, before he ever set foot in a school. And we wonder — do his parents still keep the house childproofed so he cannot electrocute himself at home?

(Zombie Dildos, found via Warren Ellis, amongst others.)

The same people who made the zombie dildos also do other types of dildos. We are most amused by their Cthulu Dildos. Masturbation that will lead to madness.

But what to do with all these dildos? For one woman, the answer is to watch porn. And drive. While using her vibrator. All at the same time. Apparently this is not legal. Hands on the wheel, ladies.

Steampunk-themed sex toys. There is nothing else to say.

(A dolphin fetus, from National Geographic, found here.)

Getting your doctorate in the sciences usually takes four or five years. Sometimes a bit longer. But how long would it take without all the failed experiments and dead ends? David Ng asked this question, and the answer (for him) was six months.

We have all done it — blown across the opening of a bottle to make some beautiful music. Now a beer-maker has helpfully designed their labels to assist you in this endeavour.

There are dildos. And then there are historic dildos. Stone-age Swedish dildos, to be more exact.

(Found at FFFFound)

Clearly traumatized from decades of playing second fiddle to Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck has taken to molesting autograph seekers.

Also, for those of you who missed the big news: Einstein’s Theory of Relativity has been outed as a liberal plot. An evil liberal plot. And doubtlessly devious.