I get what initial appears to be a good seat — aisle, empty seat beside mine. Buget airlines (with unassigned seats) have a seat race. It is a complex task, but with the proper timing and careful seat choice elbow room is available for the solo traveller on all but the most crowded flights. People always try to be first, but being first is in many ways worse than being last (which is why speedy boarding is a sham). The ideal time to board is when most rows are occupied by a single person — you can pick the person you will share a row with, and with a bit of luck be sharing three seats between the two of you. This is best accomplished near the centre of the plane — the people taking the first seat they see will sit down earlier. Those hoping for a row with two empty seats (rather than one) will continue towards the back.

Unfortunately my choice soon appears not to be ideal: the row behind has a crying baby. This was initially overlooked. Two thirds of the way through the flight however, the sounds and smells of a child who has soiled itself have become quite clear.

The row ahead? A couple watching White Chicks on a laptop. They seem to enjoy it. Apparently the sister from Dexter is in it. Subtitles are on, so I am able to watch, if I want to. Strangely enough, this does not seem to be a priority.

And the flight attendant seems proud that the calculator is confirming her mental calculations : £3.50 + £1.50 = £5. She smiles. “It looks like my brain is on today!”. Personally, I am frightened that she had to double-check the calculation.

Eventually we landed and watched baggage carousel comedy — in which it went to fast and sent bags flying onto the floor. Not mine, hence the comedy.

I got in a car with a strange man. He was holding a sign with my name on it. This makes it safe.

The hotel charges £10 for 24 hours of internet access. I consider this to be ridiculous. Not that I have much choice. Although if I buy in two hour chunks (two hours per night), I can cut the weekly cost in half. Though that would kill the morning coffee.

But clearly, I get to sleep on it.