Warning: Today’s morning coffee might not be appropriate for all workplaces. If it’s not appropriate for yours, find a new job.

Of course, if you are a regular watcher of porn you probably already knew we would be writing about porn today, thanks to your pornography-powered ESP.

(From someecards. Found here.)

While on the subject of fellatio, we have discussed bat blowjobs previously on the Morning Coffee. Now the aftermath: Discussing bat fellatio is considered sexual harassment, but is not serious enough to warrant counselling.

For those of you who are now saddened that blowjobs are off the menu (due to cannibalism) and off the workplace-discussion-topic-list (at least where bats are concerned) … at least you can still control video games with your penis.

Would you like to own the Batmobile?

Wait.

Silly question, of course you do.

Lucky for you, it’s for sale — only $150,000.

(by Temujin Doran)

Everything you ever wanted to know about squirrel masturbation. Actually, probably more than you ever wanted to know about squirrel masturbation.

Welcome to the future. Never tie your shoes again.

Slate takes a look at how Ray Bradbury’s writings have become a foundation for our mythology.

Apparently showing your colleague information about fellatio amongst fruit bats can result in a complaint to HR. Even if the information is acutally a peer reviewed paper, and you have been having a professional disagreement for which the paper in question provides an answer. It makes us wonder: will there never be a good time to bring up bat blowjobs to your colleagues?

Cars today often come with safety systems in which your car is remotely monitored — the remote monitors can call an ambulance if you’re in an accident, for example. Or shut down your car and send the location to the police should your car be stolen. Unfortunately — and, perhaps unsurprisingly — this second functionality can be hacked, leaving hackers in control of the car you’re driving.