Daddy daughter diversion

Saturday, as previously discussed on the Big Bad Blog, was reserved for fish:

A dad.
A daughter.
An adventure.

And oh, what a day we had.

The day began in a backpack. A walk, on a pleasant morning, from our flat to the tube station.

Once aboard the train, however, what little must remain of the novelty of being carried high above we mere mortals – slaves to her whims – expired. Maggie wanted to be on foot.

So on foot we went. From the Overground to the Jubilee line. From the Jubilee to the South Bank. To the queue. Marching, ever marching. Standing on escalators. Barely deigning to hold Daddy’s hand — and then only doing so because otherwise our little walker would have to face the indignity of being carried.

And then, fish.

There were two happy things about the aquarium. First being that Maggie has been hiding her patience somewhere — perhaps saving it up for a time when it was needed. We arrived early, but not early enough to avoid a queue at the door. And she waited patiently for nearly half an hour to get to the front, and into the aquarium, despite having little idea as to why she was waiting.

Second, Maggie seemed to enjoy the aquarium. Here’s a short list of things that she loved:

  • Fish tanks that were bigger than she was.
  • Fish that were bigger than she was.
  • Brightly coloured fish
  • Funny looking fish
  • Turtles
  • Other children

By the time we were done, it was lunch time, and a cranky Maggie was back in the backpack. But not for long.

A word of wisdom to other parents with backpacks: be very cautious when adjusting the straps.

The day had become warm by this point, and Maggie and I had removed our coats. This meant for loose straps — no good. So, as a good father, I tightened them. As an incompetent father, I did a poor job.

Halfway across Westminster Bridge, Maggie was tapping me on the head. She wanted down.

“Not now, little one. Wait until we get to the restaurant.”

Thirty seconds later, a little person was climbing out of a backpack that remained affixed to my back. Only my ninja-like dexterity ensured that the now-no-longer-strapped-in little girl remained perched precariously upon the backpack while being lowered to the ground.

As soon as she was out, she attempted to run off into the mass of people who magically appear at London tourist destinations on warm, sunny Saturdays.

Again, my ninja-like dexterity allowed me to corral her, and place her in my arms.

Later, we would discover that I had failed to secure the straps after making sure they were the right length. I’d call it a “rookie mistake”, but I’m pretty sure that’s demeaning to the rookies out there.

In any case, we were bump and bruise free. Soon lunched, we found ourselves at Oxford Circus.

Near Oxford Circus, on Regent Street, is a toy store. I would call it a small toy store, were it not the biggest motherfucking toy store I’ve ever set foot in.

We entered. I removed the backpack. I let Maggie out.

“Alright, sweetie. As long as you stay in the store, you can go wherever you like. I’ll follow.”

Maggie – who has never been in the store before, to my knowledge – heads straight for the escalator. Up to the fourth floor. Straight to a table containing Playmobil toys. And plays with the police car and officer who had clearly been summoned to handle crowd control outside the horrible disaster area that was the crash site of the doomed Pacific Airline fight A1.

I had a cunning plan — OK, a foolish plan — that I would allow Maggie to get one thing. She had chosen her one thing, a Mister Men book, ensured that she couldn’t change her mind by damaging the merchandise, and then decided to change her mind and choose a bear.

“No, Maggie. You can only get one thing, and we have to buy the book now.”

Wrong answer, daddy-o.

The girl throws herself on the ground, grievously wounded by her sudden inability to get a really crappy teddy bear that was cunningly placed at a child’s eye-level just before you get to the till.

And then she was truly grievously wounded, as a bad, bad, bad man (who is not me) accidentally trod on her fingers. And stood on them, unaware that her screaming had changed from “oh why, oh why can I not have a teddy” to “ohmyfuckinggod, myfingersmyfingersMYFINGERS!”

Shortly thereafter, we were in the bear section, getting a second thing.

Meet Koala Walla, the newest member of Maggie’s growing family of furry friends.

Koala Walla chased the tears away, turning pain into a memory. And soon Maggie was back in the pack, with firmly affixed restraints, head buried in Koala Walla’s furry belly, heading towards a blissful sleep.

And I, not wanted to disturb the young lady with trains, crowds, buses, or other distractions, headed to the riverside and enjoyed the long walk home.

All photos by Mr. Topp, some rights reserved, taken on March 10th, 2012. Photographic assistance and modelling by Maggie Rose Topp.

A fishy dilemma

While Karen gets crafty today, Maggie and I are off to see the fishes.

Up in the air, however, is Maggie’s form of transportation.

The umbrella stroller

My initial thought was to take the umbrella stroller – it’s just easy.

Advantages: The stroller does not require me to carry Maggie. As Maggie is getting bigger – and heavier – carrying her for extended periods of time is increasingly a concern for my arms, shoulders and back. With the stroller, I can simply push her around. Definitely the easiest option for me.

Disadvantages: I cannot push the stroller and carry Maggie at the same time. At the aquarium, where she will often need to be lifted to see in a tank, or over the people in front of us, this is an issue. She won’t be able to enjoy the aquarium from her stroller’s vantage point.

The backpack

A second option is the backpack. Maggie loves traveling around London with a bird’s-eye view.

Advantages: Maggie is always all smiles when first hoisted up onto my back, and can easily see the fish at the aquarium while she’s riding. When she’s out of the pack, my hands will be free to hold her hand, and lift her up to get a better look.

Disadvantages: I think of several:
The stiff shoulders and back I’ll have for the next couple of days; the fact that I cannot both wear the Maggiepack and my camera bag. But mostly I think that I’ll be in a crowded bit of London today.

You know those people in crowded urban areas who wear big backpacks that inevitably (accidentally) whack you?

Yeah. I’ll be that guy.

On foot

Of course, I can always forsake any means of carrying Maggie around, and just trust to our feet. We’re doing this most of the time these days, for short excursions around Wapping.

Advantages: Maggie will walk more, explore more, and probably have more fun. When Maggie has fun, I have fun. It’s easier for me to experience the aquarium and take photos if I don’t need to worry about a stroller or have a giant pack on my back.

Disadvantages: We will be out for hours, literally. Maggie simply cannot walk for this length of time, and if we’re “on foot”, that means she’s in my arms. Which could prove exhausting, particularly when she takes a nap and becomes dead weight.

What would you do?

A decision needs to be made. What would you do? Go for a sore back and a smiley baby? An easy day, but missed fish? The big risk of an adventure on foot, which is sure to result in either a perfect day or a perfect disaster?

So what would you do? And why would you do it?

This weekend there are zombies in your futuristic coffee

Furniture that both assembles and arranges itself.

Welcome to the Future.

You see it in CSI all the time — the police compare a shoe-print left on scene to a database of prints, find a match, and it helps to lead them to the killer.

The only problem? That database may violate copyright law.

Breaking Zombie News! Dirty sanitary napkins ward off zombies!
Here is an interesting set of photos, in which pairs of photos are created, with the couples changing clothing (and position) between photos.
I am not sure what is the most incredible thing about this newspaper article?

Is it that the woman regrew part of her finger thanks to regeneration therapy?

Or is it that the woman keeps her old severed finger in the freezer?

In case you are of the (misguided) opinion that you might be able to win carnival games – read this.
The answer to the question that I am sure has been burning in your minds:

What happens when you give credit cards to panhandlers?

The verdict is in! Minneapolis owes zombes $165,000.

And to every time there is a purpose for linking

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