So it’s Mother’s Day in the UK. But nowhere else. I’ve discussed this before. It’s still weird.

But as some mothers read this blog, and some of those mothers are also British, today I wish all mothers in Britain, or of British origin, or of British children, a Very Happy Mothers Day.

The rest of you will have to wait.

Here’s a mother in Britain, for your enjoyment. She is pointing at a duck.

Hope your Christmas is half as good as ours.

Today is Karen’s birthday. Not just her birthday, mind you, but her first birthday as Mrs. Topp. As we do every year, we are celebrating. As I do every year, I bought her a present.

I always try to buy her something awesome, and this year is no different in that regard. Approximately three-and-a-half weeks ago, I found her gift. But I had to order it online. On the ordering page it says this:

Usually ships in 3 to 4 weeks.

Shit, I thought. That makes a 50/50 chance that Karen’s gift will actually arrive on time.

I clicked through the ordering process whilst contemplating the indicated timeline. On one hand, this was the gift that I wanted to buy for her. On the other hand, it would really, really, really suck if her gift arrived late. Should I order it immediately, to maximize the possibility of its on-time arrival? Or abandon the choice, and start my search over again?

I ordered it.

Later, I found myself on the phone with the vendor, trying to speed things up. The customer service agent was nice, but basically powerless. The gift needed to be assembled (and no, I did not buy her The Avengers), which is a process that Cannot Be Rushed.

With the days ticking down towards the birthday itself, I found myself in a panic. At this point, I had to assume the gift would not arrive in time. I needed a supplemental gift. A stand-in.

And what a puzzle this is — I don’t just need “a gift”. I need one that is simultaneously excellent enough for my wife, who is generally deserving of excellent gifts, on her first birthday as my wife; an excellent gift that is also incredibly inexpensive. Because the budget? I’ve spent it.

A gag gift? Sounds wonderful, but there seems little worse than receiving a turd in a box from a loved one, only to find out there’s no real gift.

Eventually it dawned on me that I had to buy a present, because today was tomorrow, and I was out of time.

And then:

Excellent! But … there’s still no box at home, and I remain without a clue as to when I can expect it to arrive.

Suddenly it hits me: I was promised that they would email me a tracking code.
I log in to my email.
No email with a tracking code.
Hmph.

Maybe they had shipped it, but yet to enter the code or email me?

A couple of hours later, I am back on the phone with my friendly customer service agent.

It’s in Norway, I am informed. We asked the courier to come pick it up yesterday afternoon. They should arrive to pick it up … tomorrow.

Tomorrow yesterday is today today. So on Karen’s birthday, her beautiful gift is leaving Norway. Hopefully.

In the meantime, she has a card.
And a picnic basket.

I’ve been taking photos of Karen today, so that she would have some professional looking portraits for her blog.

Things appear to have gone well. Also, my wife is pretty.

Later? Bloopers.