There is a famous chain of fast-food hamburgers that runs an annual promotion based upon the Monopoly board game. I do not often eat at this fast-food hamburger chain, but not often is not never. Two weeks ago I entered one of these establishments to find the Monopoly promotion ongoing.

I ate a hamburger. I drank a carbonated beverage. I looked at my Monopoly pieces.

And I won! A free apple pie!

One does not turn down an offer of free apple pie, so I returned early last week and ate another hamburger, drank another carbonated beverage, and enjoyed a free pie. I looked at my new Monopoly pieces.

And I won! A free apple pie!

One does not turn down an offer of free apple pie, so I returned late last week and ate another hamburger, drank another carbonated beverage, and enjoyed a free pie. I looked at my new Monopoly pieces.

And I won! A free apple pie!

Dear fast-food hamburger restaurant that (for some reason) I have chosen not to address by name: enough already. I like free apple pie, I really do. But if you keep giving them to me, and I keep eating your hamburgers (and drinking your carbonated beverages) (and eating your pies) I will become fat.

And if I am to become fat, I would like the process to involve eating something a bit tastier than your hamburgers.

We live in a strange world, and as a result there are plenty of strange jobs out there. Over the past couple of weeks, I have seen a couple of these thanks to the blogosphere web-o-net thingy that I read on a daily basis. This has prompted me to search for more.

What started it all? The need for a Grateful Dead archivist. Yep — the University of California, Santa Cruz needs somebody to organise their Grateful Dead record collection. So, if you’re a retired hippie with OCD and would like to live in California, the perfect job has presented itself.

Shortly thereafter, I found out that McDonald’s is hiring. This isn’t strange, except the job is in Cuba. This is a little strange, but not as much as the fact that it’s to manage the Guantanamo Bay restaurant. If you don’t quite feel up to management, I’m sure they also need burger flippers and milkshake makers on a fairly regular basis. This could be the perfect job for you, if you always wanted to see Gitmo, but do not wish to join the military or become a terrorist.

A short search has now also revealed the position of “porn presenter” was recently advertised. However, in a recession it is unlikely that the job is still available nearly six months later. The job, presumably, is to introduce pornographic movies to an audience while being partially clothed.

If these are amusing you and you want more, I can also suggest that you visit businesspundit.com — it seems like they give a weekly listing of the five strangest jobs they can locate on the Internet. This week features an ad for a Best Man at a wedding. Pay is $200. Must look good in a tux.

Our personal favourite from the business pundit archives dates back to August — in which a business plan seeks a Teleportation Scientist. Recession or not, a good Teleportation Scientist is hard to find — particularly in New York. For the many Teleportation Scientists who read the Big Bad Blog: This one may still be open. Dust off that CV and teleport yourself over to New York, pronto.

There is water on the moon. Now the only question is when will the first swimming pool on the moon open?

(blood powered lamp from miket)

Keys can now be copied from a digital photograph taken from a nearby rooftop. At this point I think it’s fair to say that we should be looking at moving to a more recent technology for house keys. Car keys, electronic “passes” (ie, keys) for the office, and even bicycle locks have improved dramatically during my lifetime. For some reason we seem to still be using the same locks on our homes as we did the day I was born — or at least just a newer version of the same outdated technology. Wikipedia claims that the pin tumbler lock used in house keys dates back to 2000 BC.

How far can you get from a McDonald’s? The answer, for one man: 107 miles.

This morning’s news comes from Fort Pierce, Florida, where a woman called 911 and had this to say:
This is an emergency, If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one. This is an emergency.
The full story, with more excellent quotes, is here.

This photo is not photoshopped:

I repeat — not photoshopped! This is actually an attempt at smuggling! The smugglers were clearly hoping that the border guards would not stop them, but instead blame the strange mushrooms they ate earlier in the day.

Today I have learned two things that are unrelated to camel smuggling. The first is that the zombie genre was invented by the Smurfs. The second is that Mountain Dew contains ingredients that cause hallucinations, depression and memory loss. Do the Dew!

Today’s webcomic is from A Softer World: