We have had a bit of time between tattoo posts here at the Big Bad Blog, but fear not! The tattooed of the world are still finding ways to surprise and amaze us.

Those at work — be forewarned! There is an exposed vagina somewhere below.

The tongue tattoo

We found a whole gallery of people with tongue tattoos over at the Chive, and they appear to come in three varieties:

1. People who put words on their tongue (as above).
2. People who put things like mushrooms on their tongue (appearing to eat them).
3. People who put intricate designs around a tongue stud.

The third group seem like hardcore tattoo people, so we will not address that here. Hardcore tattoo people are hardcore tattoo people, after all. Mostly we are confused about group number one.

For instance, the dude above. What is he thinking? Dude, Where’s My Car? is not going to be popular when the guy’s fifty. People will have forgotten about The Big Lebowski. The slang could quite conceivably have dropped from the popular lexicon. And this guy will still be there with “DUDE!” written on his tongue.

And you know how people say that tattoos are permanent? They lie, of course, tattoos can be removed. But I’m not sure about tongue tattoos. That shit might be permanent, dude.

Ear Tattoos

The above photo comes from the Star Wars blog. The one below is from a set of ear (and near-ear) tattoos on The Berry.

Ear tattoos make a bit more sense than tongue tattoos to us here at the Big Bad Blog. The image below aside, the ones we see tend not to be attempts at being clever — tongue tattoos use eating and speaking themes which essentially turn your tongue into a joke that gets old fast.

But ear tattoos suffer from one big problem: It has to be hard to draw on the ear.

Look at that tattoo above — that cannot be the best drawn Death Star you’ve ever seen. Between the necessary small size and the odd contours of the ear, chances are that your tattoo design will be trouble from the start. Add in the likelihood that your tattoo artist is not used to drawing on ears, and there could be some trouble here.

Another consideration should be hair. Gentlemen should consider what it will look like when they start to grow a large volume of ear hair. All individuals should consider the impact on future hairstyles, which could prevent you from hiding your ears (if you want to avoid having anybody seeing the tattoo), or showing it (if you want it seen, but want long hair too).

Showing off your insides

I am fond of the above tattoo. It is interesting, creative, and of great use in a Sex Ed class. And there is something attractive about the concept of somebody covered in anatomical tattoos which show what their insides look like.

On the other hand, I’m not sure that I would want to spend much time hanging around with someone who looked like a Body Worlds exhibit.

You’re doing it wrong

The above tattoo was found here, and we just do not understand it.

It’s a dog. On a person’s middle finger.

So far, I’m OK with it. You give someone the finger and you want some extra oomph on it. So you get a tattoo there, and start to tell your friends that you “gave someone the dog” instead of giving them the finger.

But the dog is UPSIDE-DOWN when you give people the finger. Instead, you are waving an upside-down dog at them. This person has essentially neutered their middle finger.

We had best hope they don’t drive.

Mom Tattoos

Until seeing the cartoon below, we had never given much thought to “Mom” tattoos here at the Big Bad Blog. They were just a traditional sort of tattoo. Now we are forced to wonder whether wearers of a Mom tattoo have a healthy relationship with their mothers …

Warning: I am listening to Dire Straits’ Money for Nothing while writing this morning. And things are going to happen OUT OF ORDER.

We are apparently wired for incest, and naturally attracted to people who look like family members. As family members look like family members … well … hello Oedipus.

From sex (with a little bit of science), we move to rocks (also with a little bit of science), and give you the truth behind media reports that we will all be crushed by a giant asteroid.

Next – double entendre and ukulele:

(A tattoo of muscle anatomy, found amongst other biology-related tattoos at Blag Hag, and originating somewhere in the depths of makezine.)